I need apostrophe rehearsal.

I think I may have single-handedly removed all the finish and 1/8th of wood from the O'Willard's sitting room floor in the middle of the night. Not my fault. Also haven't heard a word about it. And Ginnie is never one to shy away from words about it.

So yesterday was the Awards.

Shivering, chattering and dripping from the nose, I bang into the apartment a little after noon.

I am stopped in my tracks (literally- second time in three weeks a man has done that to me- different man last time) by the sight of Adam sitting on the couch in his tux.

Adam is one of those men that are in stories. The dark, jaw, brood, smolder, all that squash. The man has it.

I gathered myself together within seconds and proceeded to sit on the floor and whine and wail about how whenever I have to get all dressed up (which I secretly love, let's be honest, but just need more practice doing so I don't get stressed about it) I seethe for hours just before and during.

I paint my fingernails. I am bad at this. Better yesterday than ever before though. And four layers of polish, one layer of setting goop and one layer of Gray Poupon later, I think I am pretty set. I nimbly bounce into the kitchen to retrieve my cup of tea and grip it firmly with great delight. I sip it, burn my tongue, decide I am a big fan of Maggie's Blue Whale Fin Natural Tooth Sweetner, and set my cup down. I have of course ruined the polish on all the fingers of my right hand.

Again.

Maggie and I have a serious discussion involving planners and ovulation charts regarding the times and windows of opportunity in which it would be most opportune to take our showers and straighten our hair, curl our hair, curl our lips, etc.

Adam leaves immediately to go to the Hair Cuttery.

We have showered and have just finished re-wiring the circuit breakers we have blown blow-drying our respective mops when we receive EMERGENCY HIGH ALERT RED ALARM FACEBOOK MESSAGE from Joy re Derek's contraction of the swine flu and the cancellation of that evening's performance of "Easy Street."

I regard Maggie with a dark look for a few moments as she snuggles down into the couch under a blanket in her slipper socks with her kitten and her cocktail while I embark out into the cold to attempt to keep my fingers off of everyone and everything I see so I will be intact for the evening.

The rehearsal was lovely and low key. I sat with Tom and bickered like crackers in the second row the entire time. One of my favorite activities.

Jen Meharg looked amazing at the rehearsal. And at the event.

I am escorted to the podium with a man's hand VERY FIRMLY on my back. Was really no need for such firm escortedness. I can walk. Is fine. He probably thought I was fourteen, much like the woman in the lingerie section of Macy's last week who asked me what size training bra I would like.

I then drive back to the apartment. TO GET READY.

After I remember that I can talk to Adam and he is not a poster, I recruit he and Margaret into the bathroom with me and every curling iron and bobby pin in the house.

We have done extensive internet research for at least four minutes on how to accomplish the hairstyle I want to wear.

We take the computer and our cocktails into the bathroom. We all stand. We may as well have scrubbed in. Deep breaths.

This is sort of like sending Wendy Vandergrift, Dawn Westbrook and Eric Pastore into a linen closet with a sheep and telling them not to come out until the sheep has been transformed into a vibrator.

Many pins and grunts and sharp sucked in breaths of trepidation later, we empty an entire can of hairspray onto my head and move on to the makeup. I can do most of this by myself now. With great thanks to Robyn O., Robin Harris-Jones, The Debra, and countless others who have massaged powder into my cheeks and eyelids over the years in the dressing room. Maggie instructs me on curling my eyelashes. We do this. Relatively pointless. My eyelashes are a lot like five o'clock shadow.

We doll ourselves up. Adam takes pictures of Margaret and I being lewd in front of the door. And of us being cheery and peppy in front of the door.

We are picked up.

We arrive, narrowly avoiding running over the parade of pink skirts across Adams on the way to the Empire.

So many lovely wonderful people looking lovely and wonderful in the lobby. It was FUN.

I had a blast. The singing was thrilling. The music, the lights, the mikes, the crowd. Ahhhhhh.

I swished my hips a lot on purpose. Felt very giddy and daring to do this.

Robyn O'Neill is a fabulous date.

I am asked for my number by a man who walks on his arms perhaps more than he walks on his feet.

When I was called to go onstage, I thought as I approached the stairs, "my goodness. what is going to happen now is that i am going to trip up these stairs, then say something bumbling and weird that is going to cause tom to take a big bite out of the seat back in front of him, and perhaps even slur a word. or two."

These thoughts are a result of the two cocktails I had had. Was in no way drunk. But have certainly never attempted public speaking in front of, you know, 700 people anything but completely rested, nervous, and sober.

Speaking in front of people as Audra used to TERRIFY me. But much much less so now. And I am very very glad about that. Want to do it some more.

I will have to see about creating some more opportunities to that end, perhaps.

We then, and by we I mean everyone in the southeastern portion of the USA, went to the White Dog.

We then left and went somewhere where we could sit down.

I then went to sleep and slept soundly until about 3:30 am when I was jolted awake by a horrendous (and my first) calf cramp. BIG X.

And felt it and felt it. Could find no where on my leg that felt hard or needed pressing. But it went away eventually.

Woke up this morning.

Went to get my phone charger.

Visited Essie. Essie sassing everyone in the hospital and knowing exactly what she wants. This is reportedly big progress from this morning.

The sky was so beautifully blue today, against the leaves. It doesn't matter if it is cold when it is beautiful.

I am off to rehearsal shortly. I am going to walk. And go by 7-11 to have another crack at the coffee thing. I've decided to try the darker roast to see if that counters the watery-ness.

I'm excited about rehearsal. Good people.

And I'm excited about Magicthedebra tomorrow.

And I'm excited about a lot of things.

And that's exciting.