Saturday, July 25, 2009

Where do porcupines live in the winter?

Last night.
Oh I just noticed I have a big pink stain on my dress. Is probably popsicle.
I went to see "Fully Committed." Had a very fetching date (MV) in a sky blue shirt and ivory slacks. That sounds mysterious. We ate globs of mozzarella cheese, fried green tomatoes and crab dip. Also I had diet coke, which I received free.
Got some tomatoes as well, which leaked all over my crotch in the car and made for a real-conversation starter of a stain.
Saw Essie. I complimented her on her necessary cow pin with three pearls dangling as udders. Thought, "I would love to wear that."
After the show, she gave it to me. Which was the most wonderful thing in weeks. Put it right on.
Jill Bari wants it now.
Have named it Esther.
Scott was stupendously excellent.
There. I've said a nice thing about him. That'll be that.
Robert Throckmorton was there. He always looks so nice. And expensive. White slacks.
Also so funny. Feel like I have an in with some important titled people in England because I know him.
Want to bring my whole family to see it.
The show, not Robert. Boy, that'd be awkward.
Though it was a very different experience watching him do it as opposed to just listening to him do it from the floor with my eyes closed. Wantatuba had choreography I wasn't mentally prepared for. No matter. She still made me clutch my cheeks and chortle.
Anyhow. I didn't go to softball this morning as I was out rather late eating pie with Wendy and Michael and arguing with Scott. Also I woke up at the crack of 6am certain that someone was locked in my bathroom. Trapped. I heroically sprang out of bed and ran around to the door and knocked smartly.
Wasn't trapped.
Admired the sunlight on the wall and hardwood floor as it looks so beautiful at that hour and not again during the day. Then went back to sleep.
Surprise sleeps between my jaw and my shoulder. He loves me.
I have done quite a collection of astoundingly peculiar things in my sleep. Woke up once kneeling on the side of the bed with my face pressed to the wall hissing like a snake. Loudly. Was, I think, convinced I was Harry Potter.
Also once woke Brett up clapping my hands and squealing "Oh look! Oh look! My collection!" Woke up, realized I had been sure I had designed my final collection for Project Runway based around my Carebear that sits at the head of the bed. He's the grouchy one with thunder on his tummy. I also had a big yellow Carebear when I was small with a cupcake on his tummy. I don't remember him from the books.
Grouchiness and cupcakes.
It's a beautiful day.
Just went over to feed Lola and Betty Draper. Betty Draper greeted me with lots of bites and scratches so I kicked her across the room. That got through to her pretty well. I think Maggie is more tender in her discipline. Betty then draped (ahahaha) herself all over me with licks and purring and then nestled down to sleep on my back. I am dozing off as well when I hear SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK!
I roll over and notice that she has gotten a good fourth of her tail down her throat and has been cheerfully sucking it for all it's worth.
Now- this is a recurring problem. When kittens are very young, they are blind, and all they do is nurse and sleep. And fall off of high counter tops, but that's beside the point.
You just put the bottle in their mouth and off they go. Well, Betty really liked the sucking action from the bottle. Soothing to her.
Also- when kittens are under 3-4 weeks old they have to be stimulated to cause them to use the bathroom. This is typically done by the mother, who licks them in their "AREAS."
But when you raise them by hand you have to do it. With your mouth.
Really with a paper towel.
But back to the blind thing. When I would leave the kittens alone in their box they would be asleep. Then I would come home and there would be pee and poop all over the place and Surprise would by lying prone on his back with a look of shock (hence the name) on his face. Betty would be right there between his legs going to town.
In her blindness, she mistook his junk for a nipple. Which in turn, made him pee and poop with no end in sight.
And this was not something I could ever get her to stop. It was like sharks after a hemophiliac.
You would just have to grab her and toss her across the room.
Thought that she had outgrown this habit. Nope. That is what she is doing with her tail.
Loud. Can't nap through it.
Debra and I are going to wear our brightly colored woolies to the cabaret tomorrow.
I'm starving.

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