Sunday, January 11, 2009

And Sandy was there. And she's awesome.

Tonight I found out what Santa does after hours. 
Brett's band was playing at the Parham Pavilion. They spell it "Pavillion." X. So this was very exciting to Brett, and I had it all pictured out in my mind as a packed indoor Innsbruck kind of situation. I took pains to look fashionable. I went so far as to wear a fitted top. 
So Adam and I go to support Brett. We decide that if we don't find it in fifteen minutes we will go to McDonalds and get a Happy Meal. We are both very excited about this. 
But we find it. Nestled at the base of a ditch behind some shrubs next to the OT TIKA church on Parham Road. OT TIKA is not correct, but there is some odd assortment of letters on the sign that I do not understand. 
There are 15 parking spaces, 8 of them handicapped. 
We discover that it is a synagogue. We pay our five dollars and are escorted into a cavernous fellowship hall. White. White walls, white ceiling. Barren. Seven or eight large round tables covered in blue- well I don't know what that material was. It was like slimy paper. 
Seated at these tables are twenty or so members of the synagogue community. All with very tall hair and SLACKS. The occasional sweater festooned with crocheted cats. (I actually really liked that sweater and would have taken it from her if I could have pulled it off. There was a large brown cat right on her ass. Left ass. And rhinestones around the bottom.)
Also a large buffet line of pot-luck dishes. Mountains of tinfoil.
This is not the sort of venue that Brett's band frequents. 
We sit in the back. I make two boxes out of the spare fliers and miscellaneous bits of paper I can find on the table. That is what I do when I am at an event I am sure will be less than exciting. Like my old church. One can make an impressive amount of boxes with the number of inserts in a standard church bulletin. (I will teach anyone interested in this box to make it. I learned in on "Lambchop's Play-Along.")
This is turning out to be not a very interesting tale.
But they played well; I got them to sing the song I like where Brett makes lots of noises for a long time without breathing and always gets a round of applause. They don't let Brett sing any soloes. How does one pluralize "solo?" I will look.
The two front men are both very dear, one of them looks like an acorn I realized tonight. I like acorns. 
One of them likes to kick his legs when he plays guitar. I think this is meant to make it obvious to the viewer that he is a real rock and roll band person. It looks to me like he has a tic in his knee.
Anyway, Brett's band was the opening act for an old guy.
They old guy was garbed mostly in black with a buckskin top coat. Tall. And Santa was his keyboardist. 
I loved Santa. He was gruff and had poofy cheeks and had trimmed his beard close to his skin for the occasion. He was wearing all black too with some white piping running down the center of his shirt. He had a small shiny red keyboard, permanently set on "organ." And he sat there and he played and he was Santa. I liked him a lot. 
This old guy sang a lot of depressing songs he had written himself. Each one featured the words, "heart, black, blue, tears, love, lonely, broken, whiskey, coronary," etc.
We left a quarter of the way through his set. I whooed for Santa. And I don't whoo.
Then Adam and I went to McDonald's. I decided to give Happy  Meals another chance to get the toy right. I only go for Happy Meals when they have something cute and chubby as the toy. And without fail I receive a plastic tractor. Adam only receives miniature Barbies. Even when there are Hot Wheels available.
This time I got a small worthless dog. 
I considered filching one of Ginnie's cats and holding him ransom until she agrees to allow me to paint on Annie. But decided against it as I wouldn't want her to kill me and it wouldn't be Ned.
Also I don't know if she even knows of my interest in painting on Annie so kidnapping as a first resort might seem a bit extreme. 
I guess I'm done writing about this. I am going to do the dishes. I personally don't understand why anyone ever dirties up their dishes again after having cleaned them once. Seems a stupid mistake to keep repeating. 

7 comments:

AdamandMaggie said...

I'm crying. Literally. Crying.

Brett said...

excellent :)-Audra

Unknown said...

My dictionary says the plural of solo is either solos or soli. Either way you got it wrong. ;)

Brett said...

christopher who.

Unknown said...

Ginnie was once a part of a plot to kidnap Xena from Robyn. It is a long and sorted tale that I am sure will be told to you if you bribe the ladies with wine.

Brett said...

the dvds? does she have a life size doll?

Princess Crabass said...

Lifesize? The thought of it makes me light-headed.

I still have the ransom note - and pictures strongly implicating Bruce Rennie's involvement.