My contacts are too old.

Well it is Christmas Eve and today I saw one hundred chickens and took their eggs.

My hamster is dead. Southampton. But he was a kamakazi (I will look up how to spell that and re-visit this post if that is incorrect. I abhor typos). I found his stiff little butter colored corpse prone and grimacing outside my bathroom door one morning last week. As he only set me back $5.99 I was not overly put off by this. I chucked him in the dumpster, which apparently was a horrendous social gaffe because several people who have heard that are appalled that he was not interred properly. Where would I inter him, I ask you. Beneath Patterson Ave.?

Anyhow- the cats got him. And the little fart would die the evening after I had just gone to all the trouble of cleaning his cage. 

He disconnected the roof of his cage just enough to squeeze out and leap 8 feet to the floor. I had heard some scrabbling and squalling coming from the sitting area during the night but after a cursory inspection of the cage (which appeared to be intact) I figured the cats had found a mouse. 

Nope.

Oh well.

I have 10 feet of multi-colored icicle lights sitting on my table. I wanted to hang them up. But have discovered that tape and staples are not ideal for this. So they are just sitting there. Maggie very cleverly purchased a rosemary bush for her apartment to serve as a Christmas tree. I doodled off to Ukrops intending to cleverly copy her and decided against it as rosemary bushes cost more than I think they should. Even though I reckon Brett would probably shave it off into his omelets and stuff. 

Oh but back to the chickens. I went down with Joseph and his beau today to visit his veterinarian friend in Prince George. She has a farm. On which she keeps a passel of cats, 14 dogs who are all beige, 2 vultures, several hundred cattle, 2 horses (one of which we call Janine after Janine Serresseque) and 100 chickens. Actually. They are the flashy spotty chickens, not the white ones. Which determines the color of their eggshell. I tried hard to pick up and pat the chickens but they don't cotton to being cradled. But we got to get the eggs out of the nests. So much fun. That sort of thing just makes my day. 

Also I went to a Christmas party over the weekend hosted by a very kind woman. This year she hosted the party from her recliner with her feet propped up wrapped in bandages and covered in ice due to her alighting from her vehicle directly into a drainage ditch and dropping her baby onto the lawn. And for those of you who know her- this is NOT the sort of baby you drop onto the lawn. But all is well. There were green beans there covered in something brown and crusty. 

Also Richard was there was a snazzy devilish little earring in the form of a christmas bulb. I wonder if we could rig that lighting up somehow. We'd probably have to convince him to spend the majority of they party attached to an extension cord and only able to travel a certain radius from the socket. 

That would be fun now that I think on it. We could dangle canapes just out of his reach. I don't like that word- canape. 

There are oversized neon rubber watches on sale in Nordstrom.

There is some woman on the Food Network who appears to have spent several hours coloring her entire body in orange highlighter. Don't know what her name is, but watching her is really something. She makes all her guests do the actual cooking and wears keyhole tops so you can see her glowing boobs dangling over the gravy boat. 

I just sneezed on the cat.