Tuesday.

So my car COMPLETE X.

I was waiting to do a new blog post until I had something interesting to write about besides my peeling my thumbs which is what I have been writing on facebook about.

So here is a tale.

On Tuesday I was driving sprightlily up 95 N on my way to Ben Franklin's to buy little bags for cocaine when I felt something unpleasant on my left side. The something unpleasant turned out to be an eighteen-wheeler that was getting over into my lane with little to no regard for my thoughts on the subject.

He proceeded past me, causing me to spin merrily around in two complete circles, smash into the center median, eliminating two of those green poles from existence, getting hit by something else and then winding up in the right lane facing oncoming traffic. 

I thought as this happened. "Huh. This is unfortunate. I could die. Better try not to flip over."

So after the car stopped, the first thing I noticed was gallons of oily green liquid flowing from my car rapidly onto the road. So I determined it would be best to turn the car off and get out in order to avoid dying a fiery death. I unbuckled, reached over, got my favorite backpack and my stuffed sheep Genevieve and got out. 

Called the police and reclined against the guardrail with a kindly large man named Antoine who had been kind enough to stop and make sure I was alive. He was pretty sure I wasn't. We tsked tsked about the other party involved having kept on driving and he showered me with compliments on my NASCAR driving skills. I got rather puffed up about this. I used to LOVE going to the Days of Thunder ride at Kings Dominion and sometimes narrate aloud to myself as I am driving like I am in a race car. I also sing racing music like Bill Cosby used to when he would race his go-carts.

I digress.

Another very kind gentleman had stopped behind me to make sure no one hit me again. He was driving a big yellow truck so he knew people would see it and go around.

About this time I realized I was missing a gold mine of dramatic effect potential by not taking pictures, so I scampered around the freeway taking shots of the front of my car, which was across the street, my headlight (quarter mile away) and my car itself. Just to show my mom and stuff.

The men kept reassuring me that shortly I would go into shock. I figured I probably would too. Haven't yet. So if I do, it's going to be a doozy.

They this cylindrical man comes wheezing up the road from up ahead and we determine that he is the other driver. He was a WRECK. Terrified I was dead. We got him calmed down and then the police finally arrived in their entirely unnecessary plastic shower caps over their helmets. These policemen CLEARLY thought they were on Law & Order. The older one kept talking to us in a very loud, very slow condescending tone as though he were sure what he was saying to us was going way over our heads. That was obnoxious. Then he got all up in the grill of the kind man who had stopped to check on me and berated him for not having seen exactly what happened. I almost chastised the policeman at that point. 

For the record: I am 99% sure it was not my fault, unless I went blind for a sec, and also, speaking of all up in one's grill, I went to see Monsters vs. Aliens the other night and it was in 3-D and I did not care for it. Unnecessary the movie coming into your seat. I do not need that.

So then I got to sit in the police car with my sheep. There are lots of squawks and beeps and laptops inside a police car. Also a teddy bear in the back with a patrol vest on. This policeman had a very large chin. I nosed over his shoulder to look at how they run the laptops and find out if a driver's license is valid etc. It is touch-screen. Wouldn't like to drive one of those around though.

Then the tow man came, and he leaned down into the window and informed us that his cousin had been shot and killed in Richmond the night before, but that they had found his killer that morning, so that was good. He was in good spirits to have been dealing with that. I scared the tar out of him when I knocked on his window.

So we go to some tow joint off of maury street that is teeming with cigarettes, mullets and rottweilers and I am left there. Everyone I try to call is not answering, so I ring Tom and interrupt his Cracker Barrel lunch with his oldest sister and ask him to come fetch me. He asks if I will be the "paltry woman standing on the corner waving her arms in the rain?" 

After I discover that I cannot get a pack of nabs out of the snack machine without all quarters I pack up my stuff and walk down the street to the bus stop to wait for Tom. I wave my arms. He comes right away and brings me a biscuit from the restaurant. Which was great and made my day. 

Tonight I am going to see Well. And I have to go shower and shave my legs and stuff because I think I am going to wear a skirt.