Watched Men for 74 hours.

Well, last night Brett asked me out on a date to see Watchmen. Which he had seen the night before. This is humorous because the night before that I had asked him if he had any interest in going to see it and he emphatically said no. He has no memory of this.

So we stroll into the lobby and there is Scott Wichmann standing there in the center of the enormous lobby ogling the picture of the choo choo train on the wall. He and Brett had a very manful discussion of engineering and locomotion and whatnot and then we got popcorn. Scott by this time is vibrating with excitement. You can see his calves shivering. He got coffee, which I was sure was entirely unnecessary.

We sit in those special set-apart seats that always make me feel important. The boys are unsure about this due to the battalion of 16 year olds in sheer tops and cutoffs stationed directly behind us. 

This was a long movie. Pretty dramatic. 

Let's see.

This movie is about a group of folks who took years of tai' chi and had lots of money to blow on ill-designed Halloween costumes. I think one of their fathers once owned a watch- hence the title.

In a surprising tribute to Miss Saigon, the burliest, hairiest member of the bunch guns down a pregnant Vietnamese woman in a bar shortly after his friend Dr. Evil- who is blue and conceited- has just won the war by very self-importantly strolling through the jungle and vaporizing millions of extras.

Other members of their bunch include the star of The Full Monty (sporting a tubby chin), Xena Warrior Princess and a fellow who I am fairly sure is supposed to be of some European descent as he is blond and wears lilac. We'll refer to him as Chase. 

(This is in no way because of Europe or lilac. Just because when we see movies and the character who is obviously devastatingly attractive and popular comes out he is sometimes referred to as Chase.)

So everyone is gamboling around having lunch and wearing lots of eyeliner when President de Bergerac announces that nuclear annihilation is imminent according to the cardboard clock with only five numbers on it.

Meanwhile, Chase decides to take over the world from Dr. Evil, who is striding around on the moon in the nude constructing over-sized sundials in an extraordinarily complacent and homosexual manner.

There is sex in a souped up go-cart hovering high above Manhattan following an inexplicable prison riot during which Xena has the good sense to change into her practical flats to beat the tar out of everyone.

Next comes the "touching" scene featuring a handshake and then everyone ships off to Antarctica where Chase is ensconced with most of the set from "The Ten Commandments" and his fuschia house cat.

That's pretty much it. Odd. 

I ate about three bags of M&Ms.